Brain Wreck

Well, I have been watching the January 6th hearings with bated, or more like stink-baited, breath. My breath problem is most likely just a by-product of my addiction to politics or sardines. They both tend to develop disgusting smells in very short periods of time. Those of you who are old-time blues aficionados might remember a song by Barbecue Bob and Laughin’ Charlie which contained the line, “Them ol’ catfish loves my baby ’cause she always smells like stinkbait.” That has nothing to do with any Congressional Hearing. I just like the song.

Anyway, while watching the telecast, I began to think about what the founders of this country would think about a sitting president trying to overthrow the government, and I also started to scratch my head about the causes of the rampant insanity that seems to have permeated our society as a whole. Somehow, I just don’t think the founding fathers, or mothers, aunts, uncles, or cousins, would be overly impressed with all this stuff. George Washington probably isn’t just rolling in his grave right now. He’s probably standing up, doing the St. Vitus dance, and screaming antiquated colonial obscenities. (You may insert your own colonial obscenities here. Some suggestions: May leeches inhabit your pantaloons. May thy snuff be weevily. May ye be cursed with unromantic mules. A pox upon your sheep…also known as syphilis in modern times. Termites be in thy teeth, large lice in your wig, and monkeypox upon your genitalia, etc.)

On a related topic, I have a long-time habit of banging around on a guitar while watching tv. This is my only attempt at multi-tasking. I must have singular concentration for all other complex matters like tying shoes, staring off into space, or trying to remember names of my relatives. However, I have figured out that I can also eat, and, more importantly, drink, while watching things on the television that mostly upset me. I just can’t do it while bangin’ out my greatest hits on guitar. Miraculously, in a monumental moment of singular concentration, I managed to write a song that was inspired by the Jan. 6th Hearings and my lifelong membership in the George Washington Fan Club. The title of this song is, “The January 6th George Washington Blues.” Oh, and this song was also inspired by the fact that I own what is probably the only George Washington autographed baseball in existence. I purchased it at considerable cost in an online auction. It has become, as it obviously would be for anybody, my most treasured possession.

I sent my only recording of this song to the January 6th Committee, so you will just have to sing it to yourself. The guitar part is the standard oompa-boompa, oompa-boompa, oompa-boompa blues lick. If you want, you could probably talk one of your lesser intellectually enabled relatives to hum the guitar part while you sing the lyrics. (Think about your dumb-ass cousin Arnold or some similar relative or acquaintance.)

Okay, here are the lyrics. I do plan to record this again and put it in this mess at a later date. Right now I’m just feeling too worn out from watching the Hearings. I will, however, let you see my Geo. Washington autographed baseball if you come to visit.

The Jan. 6th George Washington Blues

George Washington was engaged in a state of constant fornication
And that’s how he became the father of a whole nation
Quite fortunately his wife was very understanding
And quite often she even managed to get a hand in

CHORUS:

And ol’ George had the Cherry tree choppin’… DAR hoppin’
Big wood tooth smilin’ …colonial wenches lined up in single filin’
BLUES………………

VERSE 2

When Martha would show up in Philadelphia Congress was adjourned
‘Cause everybody knew she’d just come to get her butter churned
And they’d get down on the floor engaged in a little forefather play
And that’s why we have all those fireworks every year on Independence Day

CHORUS…

Now you know ol’ George Washington never, ever used protection
And he died of pneumonia and a constant semi-erection
And he still gets 300 million cards every Father’s Day
And his little flag still waves over the land of the free and depraved

CHORUS……………………………..